“What if I want to go to Africa?” That was my response to the surprise wedding proposal and the “cold feet” I was experiencing. It was 1998 and I wouldn’t put my feet on African soil until 2018. All I knew, was that I felt my freedom slipping away with every mention of the wedding.
I’ve been watching, Cherish the Day, a new series on OWN and a lot of feelings have emerged as I watch Evan and Gently navigate their relationship. Throughout my life and relationships, I have been both Evan and Gently, but Gently’s character resonates most with me.
Picture it, 1996 Washington, DC. The country girl meets the city boy and they make a life together…well, sort of. We had a mostly picture perfect courtship, complete with all the good stuff you could imagine. He had every right to believe he had found his wife. However, he had not. At 24, I had never really thought about what it meant to be married. All I knew, from my lived experience, was that I should prepare for life as I knew it to be over. The only problem was that I liked my life just fine! I chose how and with whom I would engage with little input or consultation. In my mind, marriage would bore a hole into my most prized possessions -freedom and choice. But, I said yes. That’s right, Ms. Freedom and Choice said yes.
It was Easter weekend 1998, my then boyfriend and I went to visit my family in Georgia. In true West African form, my dad had planned a celebration and the house was full of people, food and music. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until people formed a circle around my boyfriend and me. He got on one knee and popped the question. With a plastered smile and my mind racing, I said yes, in front of all my family and friends.
After years of reflection, two failed marriages, and therapy, I’ve learned how to articulate what I have always known. I love people deeply -my friends, family and romantic partners. I also love being able to roam, explore and live as carefree of a life as I can afford. Many people find this confusing, unsettling and a host of other adjectives. However, it’s just me. It’s who I am. It’s who I’ve been. I used to think that my life had to be about my loved ones (husband, kids, my parents, etc.), which was a seriously limited view…for me. Now, my life is about me and my desire to share myself with those I love. I believe that is OK.
While the feels are real as I watch Cherish the Day, this line from Episode 6 gives me hope for the future: “I used to think marriage was like a prison, but I’ve never felt so free. When you’re confident in it, you can go and return and it’s there waiting for you.”
With love! #SMDH
KORE | Consulting 
I absolutely love that you are living your truth!! I so admire you for being that free.
LikeLike
Thank you so much!
LikeLike
After high school it was difficult to stay connected, so all of these life accounts are new to me! Hang in my friend!
LikeLike
Thanks! Some details are new to my closest friends too. All is well as I continue to accept the truth of who I am. Thanks for reading!
LikeLike
This is super deep sis ! I love it !
LikeLike
Love you, sis!!
LikeLike
This is awesome Zakiya! Just keep doing you.
LikeLike
Thank you, Auntie!!
LikeLike
I love that you are bold and transparent. Thank you for sharing! Keep it up!
LikeLike
Thanks for reading!
LikeLike
Liberty, Love and the Freedom of the “I”… the marriages I’ve had have hurt me more than I could or would have ever hurt myself. Excepting and loving the “I” through all of my choices and not so good choices has liberated me. Choosing self acceptance and forgiving myself for not putting myself first has been tough but necessary. Healing my inner child, hugging her and letting her know, she is worthy, gifted and protected by the most high has been one of the greatest marriages I’ve ever had. Tough, painful, liberating and free. God bless Us. One ❤️
LikeLike
I love this, Halima!! I feel and have felt every word. Love you, sis!
LikeLike
I hope that your shared experience frees someone else in the process.
LikeLike
Reflection on past decisions gives us key opportunities to learn about ourselves and use the lesson to move forward with more grace.
LikeLike
❤
LikeLike
No one else can live your life. Only you can, and only you should. I am glad you found what you wanted. Go and enjoy it.
LikeLiked by 1 person