Too often we romanticize love. We talk about the good feels, the gifts, the baecations, or the dinners at the top of Burj Khalifa (oh, that’s just me!). Anyway, love is complex. It’s complicated. I used to wonder why “It’s complicated” was an option for describing a relationship. Suffice it to say, I get it now. Whomever said there’s a thin line between love and hate, knew what the fuck they were talking about!

We don’t talk about the dynamism of love. Loving another is like giving birth. You forget the pain, let your guard down, and someone sneaks in. We don’t talk enough about the way love can cause literal heartache. Real love will tap into your trauma and take you to task. We don’t talk about the pain of walking away from a love that is not bringing out the best in you. Walking away doesn’t mean the love is gone. You know, the grief of holding on to the love for someone who is no longer there to receive it, is pain like no other. I have come to know love in all its forms and will choose love over and over again.

Trust me, there are times when I wish I were a cold-hearted bitch, that did not allow anyone to penetrate spaces that I’ve so carefully walled off.  Friends, my wish is for each of us experience the depths of love, and I totally understand if you opt out of this part of the human experience. Loving deeply and allowing yourself to be loved [for real] has to be one of life’s greatest risks. Please exercise caution.

My advice, since you’re still reading, is to not only look for someone you can live with. Feel for the one you cannot live without. Do not only look for the one who makes you feel good or feeds your ego. Search for the one who pushes you to be your best, even if it challenges you. Finally, the golden nugget…find the one you want to fight with because at the end of it, the two of you will stand shoulder-to-shoulder facing the problem on the other side. Create a space where there is no need for your ego or armor because in the end, we are only really fighting ourselves. Our partners merely provide the mirror/context for us to unpack and slay our barriers to loving ourselves completely.

Choose love! You are worth it!