So you want to remain friends with your “mistress” (I guess that’s what she was even though we didn’t make enough money for that title) and spend Thanksgiving as a family. I kept replaying this riddle in my head.  Why was I still entertaining this foolishness? This was, in fact, fuckery on another level. He was going to drive 17 hours to my hometown in Georgia for the Thanksgiving holiday.  I toyed with the idea of driving down with him, but I kept visualizing myself bashing his head in along I-85. I decided that the best solution for all involved was for us to travel separately. 

Leading up to the trip, the only thing I could think of was this love triangle I was in and how to get out of it unscathed. Do I issue an ultimatum or take the “if you love someone, let them go” approach? Or continue to fluctuate between Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde? Something had to give. I randomly came across GirlTrek’s 40-Days of Gratitude campaign which would end on my 41st birthday. Essentially, participants were asked to walk for 30-minutes and share a sentiment of gratitude daily for 40 days.  The 40th day would end on the last day of my 40th year. Was this a coincidence or the universe heeding my call for freedom?  I needed something to get me through the days before our trip. I needed something to get me through…period.

It turns out that sharing gratitude each day connected me to my own humanity which I had traded for external approval and ladder climbing.  Allowing others to witness my becoming, albeit in cyberspace, compelled me to show up more fiercely in real life. Slowly, I began to rise from my hands and knees and hobble back to life! 

#SMDH