Disclaimer: Before I get into this, I want to make it clear that I love and respect men. Some of my favorite people are men! For any men I love or have loved, you know what it is. I am not writing this piece to bash men, but to speak to woman, like me, who have been imprisoned by the male gaze. I also want to honor the fact that male approval has historically been vital for women’s very survival. This fact, along with my love for the male species, inform what I write below.

I usually do not share my thoughts about pop culture in my blog, but this Megan and Klay breakup brought up a lot for me. When I think back 20+ years ago when I was Megan’s age, I recall male validation being at the top of my priority list, second only to my career. Even though I didn’t want to be married, I loved being in love…still do!

Society has programmed women, no matter our status, to believe that we need to position ourselves to be chosen by men. Once you get that man, you must do what’s necessary to keep him. The Megan the Stallion shared that she compromised herself by receiving less than ideal treatment from Klay because, it seems, she thought the relationship was heading towards marriage. The deal that many of us make is to keep the man while losing ourselves. It’s never been a fair exchange and it definitely is not in present day. Women have been taught throughout millennia to put our needs last to maintain the status quo. There’s only one problem with this, women are taking control of their lives. Women are out earning men and Black women are the most educated demographic in the US. This so-called “natural order” has already been disrupted. What do we do now?

Become the hunter, not the hunted.

Before I go any further, let me make it clear: I love relationships and believe that when they are healthy, relationships are a portal to our evolution as humans. I also realize that the need for male validation was tied to some unchecked childhood wounds. I had chosen partners that would feed my wounds as opposed to supporting my growth and evolution. I was unconsciously trying to find someone to accept me for me, without regard for my accolades or accomplishments…just me.

December 31, 2025, I burned what I no longer wanted to bring with me into the next phase of my life. One of the things I burned, among others, was my dependency on the “male gaze” for validation of my worth. Today, the thought of some imaginary man validating my worth, as a child of God, sounds ludicrous. However, for the first 50 years of my life, I offered myself up as a sacrifice for a fairytale that has yet to arrive.

A consistent practice of journaling and meditation helped me come back into consciousness. Through these practices, I have been able to unpack old programming and write a new, more empowering narrative that will carry me through the next 50 years.

Ladies, we must must be the hunter, not the hunted. It is up us to choose what is good for our spirit. It is up to us to no longer feed our wounds. It is up to us to validate ourselves. External validation is a bonus and it does not automatically earn anyone a front row seat to our lives. Being in our company is a privilege, it is no longer a birthright. Until we deeply understand that, we could become prey to an unwittingly, well-packaged predator who has not done his own work. We must study ourselves until we know our power; until we stand tall with an unbreakable confidence; until we are able to walk away from anything that is not adding to peace we already have within ourselves; until compromising ourselves is no longer an option.

Do not give it your power away in exchange for your soul. If you find yourself in connection with someone that has you accepting a pattern of mistreatment that compromises your values and self-worth, figure out why a pattern of pain is more comfortable for you than your freedom. That’s literally the question I had to confront before I broke free.